The other day I heard someone at a 6:00 am network meeting proclaim- I have an ezine!
Still half asleep, and hopped up on my third cup of coffee, my mind raced to try to figure out what he was talking about. I remained silent and sent my best early morning grin the way of the self-declared ezine-ite and knew I had a task for later.
What the heck was an ezine I thought. It sounded sort of like a European motor scooter or something but I did not want to embarrass myself like the time I thought SEM was some kinky couples thing, only to find out it was Search Engine Marketing. I had to switch networking groups after that incident...
So after the meeting I went to the only place where you find outthese sorts of things - Starbucks, during the day. Everyone knows that entrepreneurs that have a home office really work from Starbucks. I even think Starbucks invented the concept to sell more fancy coffee drinks.
After ordering my latte I asked the barista if he knew what anezine was. He instantly blushed and turned towards the comfy chair section. I didnt get it.
What did the comfy chairs have to do with ---
And then I saw her....
The hair, the clothes, the face, she was the sexiest woman I hadever seen.
She looked so familiar but I was sure I would have rememberedmeeting someone who looked like her.
Feeling like my 4:30 am shower and one minute makeup session wasquite insufficient I turned back to the barista and mumbled, What does she have to do with an ezine.. but he was off blending some mocha, no whip, double shot of espresso adult-Slurpee and I found myself talking to a shelf overflowing with bags of coffee.
I grabbed my latte and headed to the comfy chairs and -- the woman.
As I got closer I knew I had seen her before. But where
She noticed me staring and smiled. Hello, want to join me, she whispered. Her voice sounded like Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday Mr. President.
I introduced myself and mentioned the barista told me the sexy lady could tell me what an ezine was.
She giggled like a sex kitten, leaned towards me and whispered,Can you keep a secret
A secret! This was getting exciting! I gulped back half my latte, burning my throat in the process and choked out a Yes. I knew I was getting close, this definitely had nothing to do with a European motor scooter! Ok, ok, I thought. Tell me what the heck an ezine is!
I closed my eyes in anticipation of finding the truth. I knew I was about to be enlightened. I held my breath - finally I would find out what an ezine was!
I waited, eyes closed, my heart beating in anticipation. I took a deep breath and squealed at the top of my lungs, I am ready, tell me what an ezine is!
But when I opened my eyes the sexy woman had vanished. Insteadthere sat John Stossel. There was also everyone else in theStarbucks all gathered around me thinking I had just experiencedsome sort of caffeine-induced Kundalini awakening.
You already know what an ezine is, said John Stossel.
I do I said, trying to assure my new audience I was mentallystable.
And then in Johns reporter-like style he said, An ezine is aperiodic electronically published newsletter or email newsletter.Sometimes they are posted on a website but most of the time they are sent via email or even RSS. Email newsletters were getting old so we cooked up a new, sexier name.
And with that John Stossel vanished and the sexy lady appearedagain. My Starbucks audience all filed back to their comfy chairs and I sat there silent.
The milk frother hummed in the background and the sexy lady patted my hand. Dont worry about it. Beauty and value are on the inside...even with an ezine, she said.
I took a long time to walk home that day. I had been duped by amarketing gimmic. That guy at the 6:00 am network marketing meeting was bragging about his email newsletter!
I guess exclaiming to an audience of half-asleep business persons trying to remember if they had let the dog out before they came to the meeting, I have an email newsletter! would be kind of lame.
I felt different writing my weekly e-newsletter, um, er, ok, weekly ezine that afternoon. I felt more alive, kind of lighter. Would my readers notice the difference
I had to promise the sexy lady that I would not reveal the secret that an ezine is simply an email newsletter so dont tell anybody,ok
Ezine does sound a lot sexier than e-newsletter and we all know sexy sells.
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Copyright Joan Pasay - 2005
Ever notice how you usually dont see that many butterflies And then one day youll actually see two of them, and theyre kind of, well, theyre sort of, well, lets just say theyre flying awfully close. So close, in fact, that theres no doubt theyre mating. And you know its a good thing when theres that much closeness going on.
But since you usually dont see butterflies that often, how is it that now theres two of them And in the same place at the same time
The answer is pheromones.
Pheromones are chemicals that butterflies and other insects release to communicate over long distances. In the case of butterflies, they can release a pheromone to announce theyre available for mating. Within a short period of time, another butterfly gets the pheromone message and suddenly, the two butterflies have hooked up. And all is good.
Thats what email marketing is like.
Merchants have products or services they provide to Customers. And sometimes it might seem like theres not very many customers around, or the Merchants would simply like it if there were more customers in general.
So the Merchants decide to use email marketing. First the Merchants make it known theyre going to send out emails every so often announcing special sales and communicating bits of information they know their Customers will appreciate.
The Customers are intrigued and sign up to receive these emails by telling the Merchant their email address. Finally, the Merchant sends out the email messages, often called e-Newsletters.
And just like with the butterflies, the messages get received -- even over long distances -- and often lead to the Customer and the Merchant hooking up again. And all is good.
And thats why email marketing is like butterfly pheromones.
Copyright (c) Grant Pasay 2005. All rights reserved. You may forward this article in its entirety to anyone you wish.
Grant Pasay is a writer, musician, moviemaker, and author of the new eBook, The Internet Is Like A Refrigerator: And Other Weird Comparisons That Make it Easy to Understand Everything From AOL to Zip Files.
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